If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you will probably be familiar with a certain dip in libido or sexual desire. But where does this come from? Even if you find your long-term partner attractive and charming this sexual slump may still occur. One of the main reasons is routine. We tend to fall into the same patterns and this includes our sex lives. Once we get used to something, we start to get a little bored by it. Our brains need new stimulus and the same goes for sex.
This guide will give a few pointers for how to rediscover the fire in the bedroom.
What are some of the problems long-term couples face?
As a long-term couple you may face one of the following problems with your sex life:
- Lack of arousal — you may find it hard to become aroused during masturbation, foreplay or sex with your partner. This can lead to a less enjoyable sex life for both.
- Monotony — you may be bored by the routine of your sex life. Throughout your relationship, a certain routine or pattern has set into your life between the sheets.
- You and/or your partner not reaching orgasm — either you or your partner are not regularly climaxing. This can be a sign that your sexual spark is not there anymore and it’s time to spice things up again.
But don’t worry! One huge advantage that long-term couples have is that they have often built a large amount of trust with each other. This can mean that you are often more open to experimenting with your long-term partner.
Let’s look at some general remedies for these problems.
General sex tips for long-term relationships
Here are some general remedies you can try that can rekindle the spark in the bedroom:
- Work on your foreplay — take extra time to focus on her arousal before sex. Go slow and try and build things to a nice crescendo.
- Mindfulness — Mindfulness is the ability to focus on the present without any distractions. It can boost arousal because your mind can focus. Mindfulness can be improved by mediation and yoga. Why not take a class together?
- Eye contact — eye contact is one of the best ways to increase intimacy. Try maintaining eye contact during foreplay and sex.
- Try openly communicating your desires — Perhaps your desires have shifted a little since the start of the relationship. It’s good to regularly check in with your partner and talk about what is working and what is not. Try not to make any assumptions and actively listen to your partner’s desires.
Sex ideas for long term relationships
Here are a few things to try to add a little spice.
- Morning sex — If you typically have sex at night, why not mix things up and have a little morning session. Whether before work, or a lazy weekend lie-in, morning sex can create a new and exciting dynamic.
- Flirting — Try flirting heavily with your partner. Showing affecting in the form of compliments, touches, and flirting can put you both in the right headspace to enjoy each other later in the bedroom. If you are both working, why not send a cheeky message during the day to build the tension?
- New positions — Plan to try a new sex position every so often (see below for a small selection). This can help create a new dynamic in the bedroom.
- Make time — if either of you feels the time pressure, sex is not going to be much fun. If you are busy with your working life, try and plan date nights or evenings just for you two.
- Sex toys — sex toys should be high on your list of new things to try in bed. Whether a cock ring like the Pivot or a butt plug like the Ditto, the possibilities are endless.
8 New sex moves for long-term relationships
A new sex position is a great way to spice up sex in a long term relationship. It can create new excitement and even a new sensation.
Remember, it may be best to chat with your partner before trying to pull off one of the new sex positions. That way she can mentally prepare a little.
Sex moves for long term relationships #1: Face to face
This is great for rekindling romance. Simply lie on your side facing each other in bed. Make sure you position your pelvis slightly lower than your partners and guide one of their legs over yours. What makes this position great is that it is super comfy and easy to maintain. Perfect for long, slow and deep penetration. It is also perfect for eye contact which boosts intimacy building
Sex moves for long term relationships #2. Doggystyle modified
This is perhaps the easiest new position to learn on the list. Simply position your legs outside of your partners in a normal doggy style position. This makes the penetration feel tighter and more intense.
Sex moves for long term relationships #3. Butterfly
This position is fun because you are out of bed. Position your partner on the edge of the bed and raise her legs to your shoulders.
Sex moves for long term relationships #4. The Bridge
You may know the bridge position from yoga. If not, no worries. Have your partner lie on her back and arch her back, thrusting her pelvis upward. You enter on your knees. Depending on which is easiest for your partner she can also raise herself off the ground with her arms, creating a bridge position.
Sex moves for long term relationships #5. The L train
Have your partner lie on their side and make an L-shape with their legs. Lift one of her legs and straddle the other on your knees. This position creates a new angle which leads to a new feeling for you and your partner. Advanced tip: As you straddle her leg, you can also use your inner thigh to rub her clitoris. Careful not to rub too hard.
Sex moves for long term relationships #6. The Love Boat
Sit on the bed and have your partner sit on your lap facing you and slide your penis inside. Raise her legs to your shoulders with her arms supporting her weight and find a tempo that works for both of you. You may find it takes a little time to find the sweet spot but this position is super intimate.
Sex moves for long term relationships #7. Froggy Style
With you kneeling, have your partner squat over your penis. She can bounce up and down and you can thrust upwards. This is one of the wilder positions.
Sex moves for long term relationships #8. Lotus
The lotus may seem a little tricky at first but it one of the most interesting sex positions to try. Sit cross-legged on the bed and have your partner climb onto your lap facing you and wrap her legs and arms around you. In this position, the grinding allows for clitoral stimulation and is one of the more close and intimate positions. Great for romantic sex.
Rekindle the spark
Many long-term couples experience dips in libido and sexual arousal. But use the trust you have built up over the years to your advantage. Try something new to break the routine and most importantly communicate with each other about your desires. You’ll rekindle the spark in no time!
For so many years our author had gotten by with average sex. The only penetration from a penis she had experienced was vaginal – no clitoral stimulation, no toys and most definitely no anal sex. It was only once she had a new partner, a new level of comfort and new self-confidence that she discovered a new way of enjoying sex…and it was her first time having anal sex!