It’s a common myth that anal sex always hurts, but it doesn’t have to be a scary experience. Indeed, those who have never had anal sex before often worry that it could be a painful affair. But you can easily avoid any distressing moments using our top five tips.
Anal sex may still be a bit of a taboo, but recent studies show that every third woman in the US has previously been anally stimulated by penis or dildo. Meanwhile, research highlights that ever more men – irrespective of their sexual orientation – are enjoying anal sex. However, many people still throw themselves into anal sex without any preparation. Unsurprisingly, their experiences often end with physical pain. That’s why many people are scared of painful anal sex. But: Discomfort during anal sex is entirely avoidable as long as you’re prepared. We’ve got five top tips, so you enjoy anal sex without pain and maybe even a gigantic anal orgasm.
#1: Establish trust with your partner
You may have previously listened to friends sharing stories about one-night stands that involved wonderful and arousing anal sex. But don’t let anybody else’s experience confuse you. Most people tend to have anal sex with a partner or a person whom they trust completely. After all, trust is the most important prerequisite for pleasurable anal sex without pain.
Before you get started, it’s recommended that you talk things through – for example, whilst you’re cuddling in bed. Discuss each other’s desires, needs and fears, and plan how you’re going to approach anal sex. Before you get going, quickly jump in the shower together. That way you can be sure you’re both fresh and clean, which can elevate the experience. Besides, the shower together will get going.
If you’re not sure how to approach the topic with your partner, we’ve got some advice for you here.
#2: Ready steady…go get your toys
The anus can be stretched, which is why you won’t have to worry about it wearing out. However, in contrast to the vagina which produces natural moisture when you’re aroused, the anus doesn’t produce a natural lubricant. A water-based lubricant is usually a good choice. If you apply it generously, you should be able to enjoy pleasurable anal sex without pain. Additionally, have condoms on hand. Although it’s always advisable to use protection, this is particularly true for partners who haven’t been seeing each other for very long. Condoms protect you from contracting sexually transmitted diseases during anal sex. It’s also a more hygienic option. Importantly, if you’re swapping between anal and vaginal sex, make sure you change condoms in between. Enterobacteria can easily enter the vagina and disrupt its sensitive flora.
Don’t jump into things straightaway. Take your time, especially if it’s your first time engaging in anal sex. Fondle and caress each other, and ensure you both feel completely comfortable with one another. A few candles or a massage (maybe even a tantric massage) could help you ease into things. If you prefer you could have a glass of wine beforehand, because alcohol can aid with relaxation. But be careful that you don’t drink too much. Alcohol lowers the pain threshold; yet pain is a necessary physical signal that indicates that something isn’t right. Listen to your body! So, don’t sedate yourself.
#4: Pre-stretch to avoid painful anal sex
The sphincter muscle is a particularly strong muscle. It takes time to fully relax. In order to get the most out of your anal sex experience, it’s worth caressing the area with the tongue before you get started. Using a finger to lightly stretch and massage the anus can also be of benefit before penetration.
Sex toys can be particularly useful here. The We-Vibe Ditto, for example, is a small, flexible vibrating anal plug which adapts perfectly to your individual body form. If you’re feeling confident you could also start playing with the Ditto’s individual vibrational modes. There are a total of 10 different modes which provide varied stimulation. Just give it a go and see which you like best.
Yes, you read that correctly! When you hold your breath during anal sex, your entire body cramps up – including the region surrounding the anus. Physical tension is directly correlated to stress and can also block your mind. In the worst-case scenario, you’ll end up feeling completely blocked. Mindful breathing can help, because it provides mental and physical relaxation, making it easier to penetrate the anus.
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For so many years our author had gotten by with average sex. The only penetration from a penis she had experienced was vaginal – no clitoral stimulation, no toys and most definitely no anal sex. It was only once she had a new partner, a new level of comfort and new self-confidence that she discovered a new way of enjoying sex…and it was her first time having anal sex!