Our author is over 30 – and single. Whether at family parties or business events, she often has to face questions on why she is not yet married, why she still has no children and how her career is. Our author thinks that this isn’t just nosy, it’s completely unnecessary.
It’s been happening a lot in the last few months: girlfriends are getting engaged, happily stretching out their ring fingers and seeming happier than ever. Although, of course, I’m happy, I feel disconnected at the same time somehow. Whether alone with couples at parties or the ever-present questioning from my aunts on my love life – I can’t get avoid the topic. And although I am very happy as a single person, I am constantly being given the feeling that my life is not really complete as it is. This not only annoys me, but sometimes it is downright rude.
Being single for me means absolute freedom, which I enjoy and understand as a gift.
Being single means freedom
The end of my last relationship was like a liberation for me. Although I had to fight for months against the heartache, I suddenly noticed how I blossomed. First I traveled alone and backpacked through Southeast Asia. Things that were unimaginable to me before, I can enjoy today. I go to the cinema alone or eat, planning my time as well as it is good and right for me. And I now have a lot of time for my friends and my family. Being single for me means absolute freedom, which I enjoy and understand as a gift. I consciously restarted my career, taking the time I need and rediscovering myself.
Compromise, no thanks!
Do not get me wrong. I would like to be in a relationship and also have children. But not just because it’s expected! After all, I can‘t change it and when I’m once again asked why I’m not… blah blah, I stay relaxed and say that the right person just was not there yet. For me it is simply not an option to run after a dream of marriage and children when the reality is different. What if I can‘t find this perfect person? I can‘t spend my life waiting for it. And to make a compromise, just to fulfill a cliché, I’m a long way from that. Luckily.
Times Are Changing – dependency was once
I am a self-determined person and I need a lot of time and space for myself. I feel constrained quickly when others make demands on me. And I can afford that too, because I have a good job and many opportunities for change. At the moment I’m thinking about going back to university for a year preferably going abroad, learning languages and reorienting myself. I can do that too, because I’m independent. The days when women had to depend on their husbands for their material survival are over! If I marry, it will be solely out of love. And to find that, well, I do not have a guarantee for that. Researchers even believe that childless singles should be happier than married people. And even though I am more than critical of this thesis, it shows that life models without a wedding and children are anything but pitiable.
The days when women had to depend on their husbands for their material survival are over!
Conclusion: Happy single or the dream of married life?
I find it strange that in times of self-determination of women and in our liberal society, we are still so conservative when it comes to marrying and having children. The career must ideally be straightforward. I do not want to sit around waiting for the good life that has nothing to do with my current life reality. I want to spend time with myself and I am really happy. I think that’s the best starting position for anything that may come up. And please: Stop these questions and focus instead on your own happiness!