Please, for the love of god, hear me when I say this: You do not have to be afraid of sex toys. On the contrary, they can help you feel even more confident and good (in many ways *hint hint*) between the sheets. They can make you feel more comfortable in your skin and better about yourself in life, too. What’s not to love?
Yet people are still skeptical. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to explain to grown adults that a vibrator is not addictive. Sex toys are not some terrifying implements here to make romantic partners obselete nor are they a threat to anyone’s penis or sexual prowess. Sex toys are what they sound like: Toys for sex. They’re meant to be FUN, not scary. A woman who has a sizable vibrator collection in hand can rule the world. I’m not even kind of kidding. Let’s chat about how sex toys empower you in the bedroom, and why every single person with a clitoris needs a vibrator, like, yesterday.
Sex toys are designed to bring you pleasure
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times, sex toys are deliberately designed to give you orgasms. They are made for clitoris-owning people to experience pleasure in ways they may never have had the chance to before. They are there to help you get in touch with yourself and learn how you like to be touched in order to have orgasms. With sex ed being such trash in so many areas of the world, we need all the help we can get. Sex toys bridge that gap.
Lucy Rowett, a certified intimacy coach and clinical sexologist, says to think of pleasure like hot chocolate and sex toys like whipped cream. Hot chocolate it great on its own, but add whipped cream and it is out of this world.
Sex toys build sexual confidence from the ground up
Get yourself something simple to start and see where it takes you. I suggest the Womanizer STARLET for everyone, who is curious to get to know sex toys. When you understand your body, you begin to love it and appreciate it. You begin to see the amazing ways you can feel good. If you have spent time using sex toys, your confidence in bed will undoubtedly bloom.
“Different toys can help stimulate parts of your body in ways you may not have thought of before, which in turn can help you become more confident and curious about what else you or your partners might enjoy,” explains Pam Shaffer, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Sex toys enhance partnered sex, not detract from it
I get countless emails from cis-women asking me how to get their partner on board with sex toys or wondering why intercourse isn’t making them have orgasms. In the same equally depressing vein, I get innumerable emails from cis-men asking if a sex toy will diminish their sexual relationship with their partner.
The thing is, sex toys are TOYS FOR SEX. They are TOOLS we can use to make sex better for everyone. The clitoris is the key to orgasm, so why not bring in a vibrator so everyone involved in a sexual experience, heterosexual or otherwise, can get off? If you’re having orgasms, you’re going to want to have more sex. Ipso facto, sex toys make you want partnered sex more.
“Sometimes people worry that sex toys will somehow take away from the experience you get with a partner but in fact they can amplify and add to that experience,” explains Shaffer. “At the end of the day, they are there to create novel and enjoyable physical sensations, not to diminish intimacy.”
Buy some sex toys!
Armed with all of this empowering knowledge, I hope you’re ready to do some shopping! Remember to always choose toys made of medical-grade or body-safe silicone. When it comes to sex toys, you get what you pay for. To start, pick something on the smaller side. A finger vibe can offer amazing clitoral stimulation during intercourse, oral, or hand-sex. I love the Gala from We-Vibe. If you’re looking for a more advanced couples option that can do more, check out the Womanizer DUO. This toy offers up G-spot and clitoral stimulation in tandem, without being gross or scary like the rabbit vibrators of yesteryear.
“Whatever toy you buy, make sure you buy some good quality sex toy cleaner and water based lube at the same time. Keep your toys clean because you’re using them inside your body, and lube will always make play more pleasurable,” Rowett adds.