Interesting BDSM Trend: What is Cuckolding?

Cuckolding O*Diaries

Watching your partner having sex with someone else? That probably sounds like a nightmare scenario for many people. For many, but not for all… Some people are super into this agreed-upon infidelity and come alive in the role of the voyeur. The name of this unusual trend: cuckolding.

What is cuckolding?

Cuckolding is one of the most popular porn trends among men (according to a study by Boston University) and means that you watch your partner having sex with another person. Infidelity as a turn-on, so to speak. The cuckold (BDSM term for the watching partner) enjoys watching as a kind of foreplay and gets so hot that they can hardly wait to have sex with the partner afterwards.

 Cuckolding: Why are men especially into it?

Seeing your sweetheart having sex with someone else – shouldn’t jealousy boil up and suppress any pleasurable feelings? One might think so. But there is something in male biology that can be seen as an attempt to explain the phenomenon of cuckolding: sperm competition. Erm… what? Sperm competition is the process by which men produce more sperm in a competitive situation than in normal situations. In evolutionary biology, this serves to secure one’s own reproduction. If a man sees a female partner in bed with a (supposed) competitor, it sets the adrenaline flowing and boosts sperm production. Or in other words: Their masculinity is threatened and their body rushes to compensate.

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Cuckolding as a BDSM practice

Cuckolding is a popular aspect of the fetish scene and is becoming more and more widespread in the bedroom, at least for followers of BDSM. Jealousy is used here specifically to make the other person feel feelings of shame, struggle for dominance and competition. The goal: to maximize excitement. The cuckold is called the ‘cuckold husband’, the wife is called the ‘hot wife’.

Tips for cuckolding in your own bedroom

Want to try this practice, but unsure about what to do? No problem. First of all, you should know that you don’t have to bring a third person into your bedroom right away. There is a ‘light version’ of it using fantasy exploration and dirty talk. Just tell your partner about how you’d have sex with someone else – in every dirty detail… If this is something they’re up for, this could really make their head spin and give them a big dose of excitement…

If you really want to try cuckolding with a third person, please consider the following tips. Don’t let the whole thing end in drama rather than an orgasm…

  • Open words: Talk openly about why you want to try it and what you expect from it. Trying out such a practice for the sake of only one partner’s leads to resentment and usually backfires.
  • Quit at any time: You’ve given the go-ahead, but now you’re still unsure? Make sure that both of you feel comfortable and can have the option to back out at any moment. If it doesn’t feel absolutely right, leave it be!

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A few years ago, Julia Heyne moved to Berlin. Not because of love, but to deal with love on a daily basis. She headed the erotic department at for seven years and because that wasn't enough love, lust and passion, she wrote a book about online dating in 2016. Today she has renounced online dating, but continues to write for O*Diaries about the most beautiful minor matter in the world. In her spare time, she also enjoys unromantic things like mountaineering, reading and ghostwriting for various book projects.