Even if you aren’t a woman that’s usually into other women, exploring your curiosity or attraction can be illuminating – and even help you discover a few new things about yourself. Our author Nadia Bokody explains how… Our author Nadia Bokody explains how…
I don’t classify myself as a lesbian, or even bisexual. But I’ve had sex with women. In short, I believe sexuality is far more fluid than those labels give it credit for, and so for that reason, I don’t label myself as anything, including hetero.
That’s what sex with another woman told me
As someone who has predominantly had sexual relationships with men, my experiences with women have taught me a lot. There’s a distinct difference in the way women connect to one another than the way men do, and that’s only further highlighted in the bedroom. Perhaps most surprisingly, my same-sex sexual encounters have taught me that sex between two women is rarely about the orgasm, and for that reason, orgasm-less sex between same-sex female partners isn’t uncommon. But not for the reason you might think.
Sex with women is special
“Why are you rushing?” a female partner once asked me when we were in bed together. “It’s not about the finish line. It’s about the journey,” she informed me. It was the first time I’d had sex with someone who genuinely seemed nonchalant about the prospective of climaxing. Indeed, all the women I’ve been intimate with have taught me to be more mindful in the moment during sex. To savour each touch, taste and sensation. To slow down, and quiet my racing mind – which is typically always three-steps ahead of me in the bedroom.
Sex with a woman is an incredibly sensual thing. There’s a heightened focus on connecting, rather than simply transacting something from one another. It’s taught me a lot about paying attention to my own needs and appreciating the often wildly overlooked act of foreplay.
Sex with a woman is an incredibly sensual thing.
These days, I’m having regular sex with a man, but my sexual experiences with women are ever-present in our intimate life. I ask my partner to slow down, we take time to just touch, and play with toys together, and we really listen to one another. It’s somewhat magical. I’ve learnt a lot from having sex with women. But perhaps the most important thing it’s taught me, is not to box myself in – to labels, or ideas, or styles in the bedroom. I try something new almost every time my partner and I have sex, and I’m honest about my desires and fantasies. I have my fellow female lovers to thank for that.
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