When it comes to relationships, sometimes it takes more than two to tango. Here our author Nadia Bokody examines polyamory and why it might be right for her…
If you’d asked me five years ago if I’d consider polyamory, the answer would have been an unequivocal no.
Mainly because, I didn’t really understand what it was. And secondly because, I’d been raised to believe there was only one relationship model: lifelong monogamy.
But when my marriage fell apart in my early thirties, I was forced to reassess all my beliefs around what being in a successful relationship really meant.
A new trend – What is polyamory?
While polyamory may have been a term whispered in the dark corners of private forums on the internet back when I got married in my early twenties, today it’s fast becoming an accepted way of life.
In fact, you only need to type “what is polyamory” into Google to uncover over 14 million (yes, million) results these days. Exploring less traditional relationship models has well and truly made its way into the zeitgeist.
Types of polyamory
In case you’re not already aware of polyamory, it’s essentially the pratice of having multiple sexual relationships at once, with full consent of all involved parties. An easier way to define it may be as ‘opening up your relationship’ or ‘consensual non-monogamy’.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now, and while we’re currently pretty blissfully monogamous, we’ve talked openly about the prospect of polyamory in our future.
We’re open to the fact that in another three years time, our needs may have changed, specifically sexually.
It also creates a more unpredictable way of life, breaking up the monotony that so often comes with long-term monogamy.
The main benefit polyamory offers couples is reintroducing novelty into your sex life. When you’re in a long-term relationship, that eventually fades, and in turn, having regular, spontaneous, fulfilling sex can become an increasingly difficult undertaking.
Ironically, one of the perks many polyamorous couples cite, is the fact that having sex with other people makes them sexually desire their partner again. This is likely due to the fact that they’re reconnecting with the feelings of excitement and adventure experienced in the early days of their relationship. It also creates a more unpredictable way of life, breaking up the monotony that so often comes with long-term monogamy. Remember the important distinction in polyamory vs polygamy – polygamy is multiple marriages, which is not what people mean when they talk about “poly” (ie. polyamorous couple) relationships.
Polyamory dating – never say never
So while I’m not polyamorous right now, I’m never saying never to it. It’s definitely on my radar. Something going through a marriage breakdown has taught me, is there’s no perfect polyamorous couple model. What’s most likely to be successful, is you doing what feels right for you. And for most people, that will continue to change over time.