Mindful Masturbation

Mindful Masturbation: A Sexier Way to New Orgasms

Learn how mindful masturbation can give you a whole new set of pleasurable experiences.

Expand your sexual horizons with mindful masturbation

ou may never have connected the words mindful and masturbation in one train of thought before. But the truth is that mindfulness is beneficial for every aspect of your life–including your sexuality. Why not give it a try? You might just experience new sensations of pleasure and arousal that reach far beyond your genitals. Are you ready to expand your sexual repertoire with mindful masturbation? Here's what you need to know.

What is mindfulness?

Psychology Today defines mindfulness as “a state of active, open attention on the present." When you're mindful, you're observing your thoughts and feelings without judging them. Being mindful means living in the moment and being aware of your current experience, instead of dwelling on the past or anticipating the future.

Can masturbation be mindful?

The whole point with mindful masturbation is to strengthen your capacity for self-love, experience deeper pleasure with more fulfilling orgasms, and enhance the connection to your body.

With mindful masturbation, you're literally opening up your mind to new possibilities. You're approaching the subject with a beginner's mind, thereby freeing yourself from old habits and attitudes that were formed as early as in childhood.

So yes, masturbation can be mindful. It's all about slowing down, being curious, and listening to the signals of your body. Trust that it knows what's good for you and that it'll guide you towards greater pleasure when you treat it with awareness and acceptance.

What is so special?

What's so special about mindful masturbation? When you're fully present with your body, you become intimate with yourself. As a result, you'll feel deeper sensations and new expressions of pleasure that you may not have noticed when you were racing to the finish line. Rather than bypassing arousal in search of an end goal–the ejaculatory peak-orgasm most people see as the sole purpose of male masturbation, it brings the pleasure back into self-pleasure by focusing on the here and now.

Mindful masturbation is about slowing down and including your whole body with all its senses, so you can feel every sensation fully.

"Orgasm is great, but every time we get aroused we do not need to get off. Holding and keeping erotic energy is a powerful force to carry with us throughout our day," says sex therapist Chris Donaghue, Ph.D.

With mindful masturbation, you don't even need to have an erection to experience full-body orgasms that can boost your sex drive for days. "Orgasm and pleasure do not require an erection. You can orgasm without an erection and without ejaculating. All can be achieved with a soft penis," Donaghue adds.

You can achieve full-body orgasms by building up your sex drive over time: be sexually active every day, but avoid ejaculating. Additionally, you can experiment with directing your arousal up your spine with your breath and intention. Once your system is sensitive to more subtle sensations, your focus will shift from "genitals only" to your entire body.

7 benefits of mindful masturbation

If you're wondering if you're indulging in too much masturbation, rest assured. When you're de-conditioning from old sexual patterns with mindful masturbation, you're getting so tuned-in to your body that you will know when you've had enough.

But getting to know yourself better is just one perk of mindful masturbation. Here are six others.

Mindful masturbation...

  • ... relives stress by lowering cortisol and raising the feel-good hormone oxytocin.
  • ... creates peace, freedom, and acceptance around your body and your sexuality.
  • ... leads to greater awareness of your arousal and increases your stamina.
  • ... re-sensitizes your nervous system, giving you heightened sensations of pleasure.
  • ... cultivates self-love, which results in greater confidence overall.
  • ... helps you slow down, which leads to an irresistible presence.

Okay, you're convinced. You're willing to give mindful masturbation a try. But exactly how do you combine the meditative aspect of mindfulness with the embodied practice of self-pleasure?

How do you practice mindful masturbation?

Begin with a 3-step mindfulness practice. Once you feel comfortable witnessing your bodily sensations, try adding this mindfulness tool into your self-pleasure routine.

A 3-step mindfulness practice you can do anywhere

To engage in mindful masturbation, you need to become mindful of the more subtle sensations in your body. Here's a simple 3-part practice that will help you become more present and aware of yourself.

Step 1: Curiosity. Ask yourself, "What is happening now?" Notice what's going on in your body. Become aware of your feelings. How they express themselves? Is there a clench in your chest, a tingling in your solar plexus, or an expansion in your neck? Do these sensations have a certain color, temperature, or texture? Is there any movement, or does it feel stuck?

Step 2: Acceptance. Whatever arises within you, see if you can accept it–just for now. Don't label your feelings as good or bad. Merely witness without the judgment.

If this is not possible, can you accept your resistance?When you even welcome your resistance as part of what is, inner peace sets in and you become free from stress and frustration.

Step 3: Relaxation. When you allow your sensations to be as they are, they let go of their tight grip on you. At first, they may feel enormous, but once you accept them, they diffuse into freedom and spaciousness. Greater ease and self-awareness are the results.

As you connect with yourself by fine-tuning your feeling-awareness through mindfulness, you're well on your way to experiencing the benefits of mindful masturbation.

Now elevate your masturbation routine with mindfulness

Experiment with mindful masturbation by applying the awareness practice above to your masturbation routine. Slow down, pause between different states of arousal, and notice what's happening now. How does pleasure feel in your body? Can you a associate it with a texture, color, or temperature? Are you allowing it fully or are you resisting something? Is your tendency to impatiently race toward orgasm, or are you savoring the full spectrum of enjoyment available to you?

Get curious about how far these new sensations can extend into your nervous system. When you don't hold on to them or try to direct them toward any goal, they'll move freely from your genitals and into your entire body.

Over time and with practice, you'll be able to experience new and more subtle sensations of pleasure. If you manage to bypass ejaculation for a couple of weeks during masturbation, your sex drive is going to grow much stronger. As a result, orgasms can pulsate through your entire body for minutes, not just seconds. This can happen multiple times and doesn't even require an erect penis or ejaculation at all–only patience, curiosity, and attention.

If you find this practice difficult at first, incorporate other things that work for you. Why not combine masturbation with sex toys to deepen your pleasure? Toys can be a great add-on to a mindful masturbation practice as they offer new, unexpected sensations you'll be excited to experiment with.

Ready to start experimenting?

Whether you're new to mindful masturbation or a pro–it never gets boring. This practice adds novelty and variety because your body is never the same. Instead of following old habits, mindful masturbation helps you find freedom by exploring sexuality with fresh eyes.

Curiosity, an open mind, and the willingness to experiment are key. It's all about relaxing, slowing down, and following the natural intelligence of your body. Let go of all pressure, old habits, and mental goals–this practice is about being fully present to the aliveness of your body in this very moment.