How to learn self-love? By learning to masturbate


More power to you! Masturbation is the key to having better sex. People who know their bodies intimately can offer more precise and adventurous sexual directions to others. Consequently, the sex is better, because you don’t get what you don’t ask for. But apart from the improvements to your sex life, masturbation can also provide quality solo time. It helps strengthen your relationship to yourself and provides a boost of self-love. O*Diaries sex blogger, Tina Molin, from Happy Vagina shares her best tips on masturbation and self-love.

I’m a late bloomer, and did not experience masturbation until the end of my twenties. By then, I’d already had a professional career, lived abroad, owned a car and been involved in a few relationships. But I still hadn’t developed a close relationship to my individual sexuality.

“I should learn to masturbate,” I told myself back. After all, a woman needs to be self-sufficient. I was already driving my own motorcycle and did not allow men to dictate my life. And I was never exactly a servant in bed – the type of woman who does everything a man asks of her and nothing for herself. But my pleasure was dependent: if he performed well, I reached the big OOOOOH. And if he didn’t, well then, I was left without satisfaction.

Better sex through solo sex

Yes, you read that correctly. Masturbation is the key to success at pas-de-deux, at least it is in my experience. And what’s true in professional life, is true in bed. The more you take part, the more you get your say. Therefore, those who spend time with and explore their own bodies have a better idea of what they enjoy and how to reach true satisfaction. And a more accurate map of the vulva’s pleasure points can have significant advantages when engaging in sex with a partner. Do the lips want to be caressed or rather the clitoris? The u-point at the urethra or the entrance to the vagina? Which order or intensity do I like? Speechlessness between the sheets leads to powerlessness between the sheets. And after all, people don’t like to be powerless.

Learning to do it yourself – but how?

  • We learn to walk by falling and getting back up. Masturbation is similar. It’s all about trying out different things, making mistakes and fumbling on.
  • Out of the head, into the body. Yoga, sports, dancing, a nice bath, a massage – anything that stops the mind from going through your mental to-do lists.
  • Look into the mirror and praise yourself. Commend your curves, your body, your skin. Focus on the things you love about yourself. Over time, you’ll take more notice of everything you find sexy about yourself.
  • Take your time. Masturbation is quality time with yourself. It strengthens your relationship to yourself and fosters self-love. Sometimes you’ll reach a climax, other times it’s just a comforting feeling.
  • Build sensuality using music, scents, deep breathing techniques and extensive stroking. Start on the outside (elbow, cleavage, stomach, inner thighs). Once you feel good in your skin and lust has intensified say ‘hello’ to your vagina.
  • What’s best – caressing, stroking, circling or pushing? Try them all! Are oils or lubricants helpful? Are shaved lips or natural fluff better? Try them all! Become an expert of your own pleasure.
  • Sex toys are great!
  • OMGYES can be a source of inspiration. The masturbation app became well known thanks to Emma Watson. “Membership is expensive, but it’s worth it,” the actress proclaimed on YouTube. Hardly surprising, because the sex app reveals the favorite solo sex moves among vulva owners – easy enough for anyone to imitate.

The right fantasy, please!

Which sexual fantasy gives you chills? Thankfully, the sex industry is no longer an exclusive CIS gendered men’s club. Producer Erika Lust makes great porn movies for women, creating everything from sensual stories to gang banging. However, her pornography focuses on aesthetics and authenticity using realistic actors and storylines. If you’re more of a listener, CHEEX is the site to check out. Its erotic audio plays and narrative techniques should help start things up nicely.

How to learn self-love: sex toys are the secret little helpers

Vulva owners use sex toys more than penis owners do. That’s partially because these tools help get down to business faster. Without a dildo, vibrator or Womanizer things would take considerably longer. But dear vulvas, never mind if you need to take a little longer to climax than men. Take your time, be a queen, release your inner goddess and pamper yourself! Then tell your partners what you want and how you want it. Because our lovers are happy to be our vicarious agents of lust fulfillment – we just have to allow them to be.

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