Rough Sex: How To Do It & What To Expect

tips rough sex o-diaries

During sex, whatever pleases everyone involved is good to go – and sex is clearly a matter of taste. Some are into soft cuddly sex, others experience their greatest pleasure in rough sex or BDSM. But what if you don’t necessarily like full-on Sadomasochism (SM) but still like it a little harder between the sheets? Here comes our little guide to doing it rough…  

Rough Sex guide: Be dominant 

You don’t necessarily have to pull out a whip and act like a professional dominatrix, but taking charge and letting one partner dominate can add an edge to rough sex.  It’s about indulging your lust wildly and without inhibitions. You can press the other person against the wall or tear their clothes off. 

A good spanking  

It might not be for everyone, but for many, a slap on the butt or spanking in general is super hot. It goes without saying that the other person’s taste and pain threshold must be taken into account at all times. So first clarify how the other person likes it, and then you can start. 

Hair pulling 

In life in general, hair pulling is left behind in Kindergarten arguments… However, if you try rough sex, then it can definitely be reintroduced into the repertoire. In the heat of the moment hair pulling can become a passionate gesture that shows your partner you want them NOW. The same rule applies here: don’t get too rough and pay attention to the needs of your partner. 

tantra we-vibe touch

Touch X

We-Vibe Rave

We-Vibe Rave 2

Dirty talk 

Sure, dirty talk is an art in itself and the line between sexy and embarrassing is pretty damn fine. But if you want to try getting rough and ready in bed, it’s a great thing. Try being super direct about what you want, pushing the boundaries and saying whatever filthy thing is on your mind. As your arousal grows, you’ll often find yourself saying things that you’d blush at in regular life.  

What is rough sex – and how’s it different from BDSM? 

Even in the realm of lust and love, it is not always easy to do with all the terms. What about fetish and BDSM, for example? What is rough sex? Well, our colleague, sexpert Gigi Engle, gave us a brief overview of BDSM: “A fetish is the sexual desire for an object, a part of the body or a certain material that you need in order to be sexually aroused. Usually this fixation is related to something non-sexual, such as:

  • feet
  • latex
  • leather
  • spanking
  • shoes, etc.

Fetishes are inherent in a person’s sexuality. Often fetish is lumped together with BDSM and this can lead to confusion. Both fetish and BDSM fall under the term “kink”. Kink is anything outside of classic sex or “vanilla sex”. This in turn means normal, no-frills sex without the use of toys, etc. Most people have sex vanilla way and that’s perfectly fine. People like different things. 

Some people take turns practicing kink and BDSM, but while BDSM is viewed as a kind of lifestyle, a fetish is something that needs to be more or less present (or appear in porn) in order to be aroused. Fetishes are definitely kinky, but they’re not always related to BDSM. Example: You can have a leather, spanking, or bondage fetish, but you don’t have to have a fetish to practice BDSM. “ 

Are you feeling kinky and insipired after reading our rough sex guide? Remember, exploring sexuality relies on two things – consent and creativity…  

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A few years ago, Julia Heyne moved to Berlin. Not because of love, but to deal with love on a daily basis. She headed the erotic department at for seven years and because that wasn't enough love, lust and passion, she wrote a book about online dating in 2016. Today she has renounced online dating, but continues to write for O*Diaries about the most beautiful minor matter in the world. In her spare time, she also enjoys unromantic things like mountaineering, reading and ghostwriting for various book projects.